Tuesday, March 4, 2014
The Tough Stuff
It's been a rough week. A rough winter, actually. And I'm not sure I have my footing going into the Spring. And it's not one major "thing" that has me off my center, it's a whole bunch of little things. Because the tough stuff is in the "little things", I feel, and can create just as much anxiety in me. The big stuff of life you can point to and say, "that was earth shattering" or "I'm glad I survived that". But the little decisions of life can have, over time, the effect of wearing away at one's solid ground, like the ocean chipping away at the side of a cliff. Before you know it, you're in the drink. I had several decisions to make this week that I could have gone 50/50 on. If I went in either direction, nothing tragic would occur, but each choice had it's own set of guilt baggage attached to it. And it wore me out. I couldn't honestly say that the choices I went with were the "right" ones. They were what was right, I'm sure, after weighing things out and saying a prayer or two. But so were the choices I didn't go with. They were sort of right, too. But why is it then that I felt so guilty afterwards? I think it is because we deep down know that the small decisions and choices CAN have huge consequences, just as much as the big decisions. Because life is so darn unpredictable. Because you can decide on shopping at GIANT supermarket when you usually go to Costco, and then slip on ice in the parking lot and break your leg. Life is so crazy like that. You can turn a corner and in an instant greet ecstasy or tragedy. And so I will continue to approach the small choices just like the big ones: weigh things out, check my internal "justice scales" for whether or not it's the right thing to do, talk to 10 of my friends, check my Magic 8 ball, say a Hail Mary and hope for the best. And then let go and let God. Here's an example of a painting decision that paid off. Green rocks.